Complexities of relationships- Family

I am about 41 yrs old. During this period of life I have come across many people and relationships. The following thoughts are dedicated to my nears and dears with whom I have grown up and to a some extent they have influenced my life style / thoughts or general behaviour. But how these people behave or in other words what I expect from them and what they actually do for me,surprises me. These thoughts are one sided only and reflects only my point of view. Hurting some body's sentiments is not my intention. Most of the thoughts are fictional only and does not resemble with reality.

These are thoughts related to the frustrated relationships between parents and their children, friends, siblings, in-laws, colleagues—individuals disillusioned with themselves for not being able to relate successfully to their environs.

When I see cohesiveness of relationship exists in my friend circle or other relatives. Like my one of the friend has very good relationship with his married sister. Or when I visit my wife's relations. There is unique bondage exists among brother sister - in laws. When I see them laughing together or partying together, I feel jealous. This part of life is missing in my life. I have one brother and two sisters. I do not enjoy company of them. I do not feel like I am sitting with my siblings. Most of the time we meet like unknowns.

My sisters- elder one remains busy in her professional life and seldom talk to me. But whenever we talk, it is usually long and related to other siblings. No personal notes are exchanged most of the time. Younger one remains busy in her households chorus and office. She does not have anything to talk to me except, " How are you?". Same applies to my elder brother. I am also not in talking terms with eldest jiju and younger one like sis, does not speak much. My eldest jiju is more egoistic than practical. I want to take first step to end the hate which he has for me, but I do not how and when.

When my father died, it was expected that I will replace him, which I denied. I can not be father figure for any one. I am too young and I have elders who should handle affairs of the family. Nobody is doing that and we are at our own.

I went abroad for quite a long time. When I returned home, I was expecting a warm welcome from my siblings. But to my surprise except my parent in laws nobody was there at the airport. Not even my mother. Next day I went to my mother's place to meet her. She was happy that I have returned from heaven to burn myself in hell. I invited everyone in the family to a dinner party, so that we could sit together after a long time. Only my brother, his family and my mother attended the party. My sisters were busy in their affairs.

Soon after I had to resume my office and left my hometown. During weekend visits to hometown, it was normal expectation that somebody would come to meet me. But that has not happened. Even my mother takes excuse of her bad health and expect me to visit her for short duration.

Sometime I think, "Are all relations are such?" Am I a normal individual? Or there is something bad in me which prevents me enjoying my relationships. I do not have any successful rapport and harmony with my siblings. I want to improve it. I wish impasse present in our relationship will end, I can enjoy laughter again which I used to have in my child hood. How to strike a right chord, is a great illusion to me !! Can I live without my siblings? - No, I believe.